in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
