I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
