very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
