Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
