Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
