I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
