don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
