i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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