life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
