Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
