WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
3 2 1 whiskey
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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