distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
