There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
