69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He shit in the fireplace
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
