It's Friday. Sex?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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