pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
