so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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