Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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