How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
