I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
