Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
