Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
