just tell him i said nine months
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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