How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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