What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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