four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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