It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
