there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
