dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
