Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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