I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
