I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
