We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
