He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
