I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want a musical about memes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
