You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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