they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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