Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
