Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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