i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
