I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
