somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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