my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
