I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
