she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
