Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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