pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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