U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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