Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love having hate sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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