he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
