Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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