1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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