There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
