put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
