I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize