My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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