I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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