stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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