we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
cat food counts as protein by the way
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dick very happy bro
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
