i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
