well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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