Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
