She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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