Please, let me fuck your mom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
