Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
