Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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