I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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