Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
