You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
