I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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