I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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