is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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