Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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