gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize