Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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