well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
