he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
