I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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