im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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